f r a n k l y

doodle-doodle-do.

2009-02-19T17:28:00.006-06:00

I've been having trouble
Staying awake at lectures
No matter how interesting
They may have been.
My good friend Mike,
Seeing my trouble,
Helped me rediscover
The joy of doodling.
The only catch
Was that I had to catch up
On notes during reading week.

The End.

IslandDwelling

2009-02-16T22:40:00.004-06:00

For our studio course this term, McKay has made it so that we'd submit all our work by posting them up on a collective blog. Our projects so far have all been group projects, so yeah.
If you're looking for the projects i've been working on in my groups, I did analysis on the Eames Residence, and did the design for the prefab DM House. The links should be under the Pages menu at the left side of the blog. If you like, you'll also be able to see the work of my classmates! yay

http://www.islanddwelling.org/

needing an outlet

2008-12-23T21:59:00.003-06:00

i need a creative outlet.

yet, i can't get myself to do anything. not even chores, things that i HAVE to do. i just can't move. just sitting there watching a movie, or listening to music.
after a while, you'd just get damn bored.

hopefully i can force myself to go down Main St Unionville tomorrow and take some photos. it's the least i could do, though some sketches would be nice. If i can get myself to do it.

i miss doing my own creative thing, but somehow i've lost touch with it.
So help me God.

I'm tired.

2008-11-19T00:30:00.004-06:00

physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally. Just did my (15th?) allnighter last night... and had to stay at school all day for interim critiques, and then a lecture till 10:30pm. so why the hell am i blogging at 1:30 in the morning when i finally could be sleeping?

beats me.

Thank God for visual communications class. I think it's my only connection to sanity (drawing class) right now, a class where i could actually relax for once. So i actually do have stuff that i Could post up here, BUT i realized that i left everything at school. sooooo, next time :D

While in New York, i discovered an obsession with high-end notebooks. At Barnes & Noble i ended up spending about $30 on notebooks :| . but they're really nice ones. I started using one of them, a RED cover Moleskine. I love it. ANddddd i also bought a pack of Muji markers for $5 :D and i love them too . reminds me of when i was a kid and how i would spend hours colouring with a bucket of markers.

These next few weeks before the Christmas holidays are gonna be AWESOME. Essay, manifesto, final studio project (worth a fricking 55% of my final mark...!!), building construction test, novels for history ALL next week. holy shit.

and i quote:

2008-09-16T21:18:00.003-06:00

"art is a way of getting in touch with one's own insanity."

hear, hear.

and frozen dinners are the way to go.

a new friend of mine from studio broke down in tears after a crit last week.
today i decided that i will go to school early everyday, and randomly choose 3 people in my class and tack up a small piece of encouragement on their studio wall/board thing. i hope it helps. and, shh. it's a secret.

first project is due on Sunday. SUNDAY. what is this world coming to??

Apple just made a new Macbook model. which is disappointing because i just bought myself a Macbook pro last week. It's still [kind of] exciting though. i hope it arrives soon

it is finished.

2008-07-29T20:33:00.004-06:00

Not bothering to crop, kinda looks bad cuz of the lighting. Some critique i got so far was to sharpen up the detail in the hand gun. sooo... yeah until i have the time and motivation to fix it, this is how it'll be.

Paramore concert coming soon! Hopefully i can go but i haven't gotten tickets yet, or found enough people to come with my sister and i. Day camp... oh man. The kids are adorable, and are really good kids generally. But oh, my, gosh, i don't think i could take having kids of my own one day :P i dunno, maybe i might end up differently. who knows

Almost, not quite.

2008-07-19T22:05:00.002-06:00

gonna call it a day.
not too happy with composition....

aaaaaaaaaaand she's outta here

2008-06-16T18:25:00.003-06:00

i.
am.
freaking
done.

oooooooooh snap.
how exciting.

now i'll have time to conspire for another photoshoot. or maybe do something just plain artsy.

it's about time.

2008-06-11T23:22:00.005-06:00

I finally got some art to post up! this is part of the
contemp. art summative. Don't think i did too well in art this last half of the semester. Because of the last-minute-ness :/ but here's my storyboard. We had to come up with ideas for video art regarding time. Quite a broad & overly-used topic when it comes to art, which means it was a challenge. An interesting one. I really had to rack my brain because for almost anything i could think of, someone else in my class was already doing it in their storyboard.
Though this whole thing was pretty much finished within two days (which is extremely fast for me...and watercolour/ink), i'm kind of satisfied. At least, that i'm done.

Amidst my procrastinating, i found a random new photoshoot inspiration today! i'm pretty much gonna grab two friends who i have in mind that will fit the theme i want to try pretty well. Just need to wait until maybe July so that the situation is better. Meanwhile, I'll be starting up some sketches. :)

Two more days of high school. then calc exam. then it's good riddance. or is it? hmm. gonna miss a few things about high school... but i'm still excited.
Arts York grad is tomorrow. wow. :|

C'est le plus tard.

2008-05-27T19:39:00.003-06:00

i mean turd. i'm a turd. needing some nerd. yeah that was weak. but i'm totally unmotivated. sorry. it's just the one thing i don't have these days. motivation. inspiration. anticipation. determination. okay, more than one thing. but they're almost the same.

all that good stuff. it's getting cliche. but deal with it. :)

i've been doodling in my sketchbook, but i haven't had anything done that i actually like. ever since that drawing of him, i guess. AlaskanKleeKai, i'm afraid you won't be receiving any more drawings of your fantasy husband. 'cause i'm definitely not doing it again. hahah. until maybe in a couple years, we might need to renew the contract. :)

i just finished a novel about a guy who's into dressage, a type of horse-riding that's sort of like dancing. and there's this whole situation with the guy being gay, his dad an alcoholic, his best friend getting wasted, etc. and he has a crush on his friend, who's an artist & a music enthousiast, who actually ends up liking him back. it was a nice book, happy endings and all.
i just used up about 3 hours. awesome.

three hours down, just thirteen days to go.

and i've just wasted about 5-10 minutes of your time. you're welcome. :)
(i realize i'm using a lot of "i"'s in this blog. sorry about that.)

oh, i've just realized that i'll be spending my 18th birthday alone at Waterloo.

sswweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

unrequited love.

2008-05-11T20:41:00.004-06:00

tough.

.......................................

on a lighter note, the CA Fest art gallery went well. raised almost $700.

my hero

2008-04-20T16:44:00.006-06:00

When i grow up, i wanna be a Sarah Sitkin :)

the Creation part two.

2008-04-09T22:08:00.004-06:00

critique needed.
please? :D

to do:
- stuff fries & cigarettes into her mouth. make it ugly. :)
- add more hands?
- somehow make it less pale.
- die on the calc test tmw because i left my notes at school.

Trinkets

2008-04-02T17:27:00.003-06:00

During the France/Spain trip, i was assigned to room with two girls who were your stereotypical "goth" rockers: buckles, red&black, eyeliner, greenish black hair, and cigarettes. One of them took off and went missing one day, getting into a heap of trouble, and the other is not one who you would want to make enemies with. Definitely not afraid to speak her mind in the bluntest way possible. and yet, they turned out to be two of the coolest girls i've been acquainted with. It was all probably just being polite, and it's not like i got to know them a lot, but they turned out to be really nice. At least, if you're on their good side.

I haven't seen them at school since the trip, until the other day when i actually saw them pass by in the hallway. Of course, they didn't seem to see me when i attempted a smile in their direction; heck, they probably don't even remember who i am anymore. It's weird that i expected them to notice me and smile back.. it's like, we happened to share a unique experience in life (the trip), shared certain memories, and i guess i assumed that you would keep friendships based on this one commonground. But i guess life just doesn't work that way.
As i watched them walk out past the doors i figured, a lot of the time acquaintances you get are simply just that: acquaintances. The next day, the next month, or the next year, you probably wouldn't remember them at all. Every day brings new acquaintances. Different faces. Different coincidences. It seems life is full of "coincidences" and "acquaintances": you meet someone. you never see or talk to them again. It's like two lines on a graph, they may intersect at a certain point but after that the lines go off in opposite directions and never intersect again. Unless they happen to curve back towards each other again or something. But that's besides the point (no pun intended). Life simply goes on, no matter how much you wish you could've gotten to know someone better, or done something differently in the past.
maybe this little rant is just stating the obvious to you. heh, sorry if that wasted your time :p

So i'm gonna attempt finishing 3 or 4 paintings by the end of this week. Quite the jump... considering i also have schoolwork. But yeah, i'm planning to sell at least one of them at the CA fest at church, and the rest for Waterloo folio... though, i'm not sure if i'll be willing to donate something i spent so much effort on to people i don't know. or not be able to use it for Waterloo, at least. But i guess that's where the humility and generosity that God wants from me comes in, huh. i guess we'll see. I just hope my mom doesn't flip when she finds out that i'm donating a painting for church stuff.

2008-03-29T14:25:00.005-06:00

i had the weirdest dream(s) last night. i don't think i'm going to look at him the same way again... it was nothing twisted or scary or anything but still. i'm trying to convince myself that it doesn't mean anything, but... my head is kinda freaked out right now. hah

the last time i tried to draw something in detail from memory, i guess it turned out okay. so i tried it again....it looks funny. oh well. i'm just gonna say it's the foreshortenings.
eiiih, the mouth is crooked. haha

another random thought: my guitar,piano, flute and i have a lot of catching up to do.

i'monarolllllllllll

2008-03-24T15:05:00.007-06:00

woot! j'ai fini numero 2, maintenant je pense que je vais commencer la quartrieme. heh, pardonez le francais, je suis tres random (si, comment dit'on "random" en francais?)

welp, il y a beaucoup de travail encours. vais-y!

source pour l'enfant noir&blanche

L'eci n'est pas

2008-03-23T16:22:00.003-06:00

Panel 3, done. i dunno what i think of it, butttt yeahh. it's annoying how i had to miss my friends' baptism today to work on it. And a good friend happened to be visiting from uni.. and leaving tonight. siiiiiiigh....welp, at least i got Something done.
now i need to backtrack and finish off panel 2.. hopefully i can get #4 done by Wednesday and then #5 by Friday. crossing fingers!

Photo [Ph]etish

2008-03-22T12:37:00.005-06:00

just figured it might be much faster if i make a photo for Carleton instead of drawing everything all the time. photoshoot yesterday didn't go as well as i'd hoped, but here are some of the better shots. suggestions/comments appreciated. :) for more of them, they're up on flickr:
www.flickr.com/photos/dotthespot

in terms of the other panels... i've got that sketch from last time started but i haven't worked on it since the Europe trip.
One week to pull everything together. Hope it all works out.

More sketchbook tidbits

2008-03-01T13:39:00.006-06:00

1. Animal study for illustration. The class went to the ROM for the day, which was fun. Yayy Booster Juice. & Frank Gehry is one imaginative nut. & leopard spots are suicide.

ideas for Carleton panel 3... something about optical illusions, or something Escher-like. :

2. if you flip the picture 90 degrees clockwise, it *supposedly* is the contour of a moose. i know, random. and the nose is cut off.

3. i've already started this one in good copy, it's basically a clutter of paintings, mirrors, and windows.

siiiiiiiiiiigh.

2008-02-23T09:30:00.009-06:00

so uh, i FINALLY finished panel one for Carleton. ;P the colours here aren't as accurate, cuz of the yellowy lighting. it's actually quite dull bluish/purplish. but i had some fun making the hands, don't ask why there are only 3 hands and not 4. haha, cuz i really don't know. but yeahhh. hope the idea is readable. As for the other four panels... i haven't gotten anywhereee with them. better get crackin'.

the next few photos are of the 3D thing i did for OCAD... and got bashed by the adjudicators. My idea was basically, that interior design reflects the designer's style and what kind of person he/she is. As well, how certain emotions/moods are portrayed reflect a person's lifestyle. So i decided to put them together and, voila-- a room of different emotions: the emo room. haha. yupp. i must say it was pretty messily done, but hey.

2008-02-17T18:08:00.004-06:00

So................ it's been an extremely extremely long week. and there's a few more of these coming up.... :s i really don't know what to think. haha just had a nap, first one in a lonnng time. though, i feel like so much time was used up b/c of this. damnn... sleep is prob. the biggest waste of time ever :P

the Ryerson interior des interview/drawing test/essay writing turned out alright.... i hope. everything was really really rushed. but they were nice people. i'm starting to think that i might like interior design more than architecture. it's just more interesting and more into aesthetic design than architecture is.
welp, 1 down, 4 to go.

up there, is a piece i used in my Ryerson folio. Yes! it's Emily, but without the glasses. the glasses were too hard to try given the mad dash for folio pieces. i managed to use up two of my Staedtler pens. after i while i got bored of all the horizontal lines, so my friend suggested i cheat a little and use marker. obviously, it didn't turn out so well.

moral of the story: cheating is bad.

on a side note, i went broke on pens the other day! soo expensive, but i'm excited. they're nice pens. Pigma Sakuras and Faber Castells :D

2008-02-09T23:34:00.000-06:00

For Ryerson Interior Des, i have to draw three freehand pieces: stairs, organic still-life, and reflectiony still-life (i.e. metal, glass..). here're the stairs. don't ask me why i decided to stick my feet in there :P sorry attempt to improve the composition of the photo?In continuation of that architectural illustration assignment: typography! For practice, we had to choose 5 fonts from Letraset and draw out a word to be incorporated to the illustration...It took longer than expected. And felt like an artsy detention: write this ___ times, until you get it through your head.
Renaissance Renaissance Renaissance Renaissance Renaissance Renaissance Renaissance Renaissance Renaissance

Just because

2008-02-07T02:21:00.000-06:00

okay, so it's like 3:15am and my eyes are dying on me. why? because Ms Chelin had to have her Chelin Sketch done by tomorrow. So our illustration class had a week (just kidding! she needs it in two days instead!) to pick and detailedly draw some kind of architecture. And i just had to choose one of those crazy Domed Italian Cathedral Types. Well, here it is, took me about.... 12 hours? -__- arcs + perspective = pain in the arse.
I have to say i'm kind of proud of it.... at least, the foreground area. cuz i spent the most time on that... but the back is all freehand and rushed. :/ i might want to stick it in my folio somewhere, i just found out that my Interior Des Ryerson interview is next week and i'm short of folio pieces.

As usual, not gonna last the day without falling asleep in 3 out of 4 of my classes tomorrow, but heck. okay. :)

the "art" of multitasking 8-)

2008-02-01T19:01:00.000-06:00

Heh, so uh, yeah just thought i'd update before leaving for the retreat!
with school starting up again on Monday and folio deadlines looming closer (!!!), i'm starting to really feel the pressure. Like, reallyyy. my mom's started to bear down on me. So although i haven't quite finished my first panel (though, hopefully i'm almost done), i've started working on my second one. But, i'm stuck at the moment so i'm thinking of starting my third one too, and getting back to the other two later..
The second one is pretty self-explanatory, there's a wall with a typical Covergirl ad, and I'm going to do a portrait of myself "covering up" this ad with a painting of a small child, or a baby. Sort of like, reinstating innocence or beauty in the simpler things. That's my idea, but i have no clue how it's going to work out yet. Just getting things along as they go

Distortions

2008-01-29T20:19:00.000-06:00

Okay, here's the first of five panels for Carleton in the works. This one is totally outside of my usual style, I'm being extremely experimental with this one.. but i'm not sure that i like it right now. Any suggestions?

I'm planning to make a pair (or more) of hands out of logos and slogans, shaping the face.

Sketchbook tidbits

2008-01-26T19:23:00.000-06:00

Tidbits. not Timbits.
I need to remember that.
Goes to show how much time i've been spending at Tim Horton's... :p
I'm actually quite disgusted by coffee now. it's amazing. Addicted to disgusted within a week.

Math and english exam on Monday... i am in dire need of study. But i won't, not right now, because i've got some ranting-to-nobody-in-particular to do.

Fiiine... call it procrastination.

The poor rabbits. and Hammy. poor, poor girls. and boy. they must be screaming,... if only they had a voice. Stuck in the dark, cold garage, with the central vacuum roaring in their delicate ears. Yes. Roaring. Central vacuum.
And i thought the laundry machine was bad.
My mom already kicked them out from the laundry room into the garage. And they're not allowed back in to be exempt from the torturous vacuum, just because she recently cleaned the laundry room floor. Sigh. Couldn't i just re-clean the floor after?
Of course not, it's unnecessary and a waste of time and energy.
So, of course, the rabbits and hamster can go cower in their cages, scared to death, of that Central Vacuum Cleaner.

It seems i've got a lot of criticism to say about my mom. Like how it seems i'm always being underestimated. I can't move the sofa by myself. I can't use the stove, or go out for a walk, while the parents aren't home. I'm even supposed to wait for my parent's consent to freaking submit an information form about my interests and extra-curicular activities for Waterloo.

I'm probably over-reacting. Maybe this just goes to show how much i take for granted in my life right now. And maybe i should be underestimated -- it could be that i'm one of the most immature and impulsive people you would ever know. Especially impulsive. Like right now, how i'm typing this rant to nobody instead of studying, just because i feel like it. I'm sure a lot of parents are like that. Overprotective, i mean. I know it's just because my parents care about me. But it just seems that everytime i try to open up to them, or do something by myself, i get spiels about "what i SHOULD be doing".

Dysfunctional? Is this what my family is? There's always been something, but i never actually put the word to it. During english class a while back we were talking about Hamlet. Ms Arcus said that the pure definition of a dysfunctional family is a family with no communication.
My family has close to none communication beyond my needing a ride somewhere, or reminding me of chores needing to be done.

Then again, maybe I can still try. I know i should just give her another chance,...

and risk being shot down for my shallow ideas.

Hence, this internal battle between my will to comply, and the will to rebel.

My sister's sweet 16th is on Wednesday. I have no clue what to get her.....

Agape retreat is next week. I don't know what to think of it. I'm sort of excited, but i'm not really looking forward to it either. Because it's only going to remind me of my problems.
Problems that i need to fix.
Or overlook.

Life is full of battles.
Life is full of problems.
Life is about problems. And battles.
Life is about overcoming these problems.
And getting over the battles lost.
Though, which side is the more deserving to win, i'll never be sure.

Of course, "my problems" are extremely petty and short-sighted compared to someone else's.
...
Anyway, back to the sketchbook tidbits.
I've been really experimental in my sketches lately, no doubt under the influence of my art teacher and her fetish for Modern/Post-Modern art. But i'm actually starting to like it.
The first one was done in highlighter. My scanner was being stupid, so the colours are so messed up here. But yes. I discovered that pencil could not be erased when gone over in marker... so i played around with that.
the second one.... I actually don't know what it is. i was just leaving my mind blank, and letting my hand and pencil go where it wanted to go, and then i just worked from there. I was in a moody mood.
the last one was while that SOS song by the Jonas Brothers was stuck in my head. I think the three of them are kinda cute ;) hahhaha... so i just drew a guy without knowing what i was doing. and then i thought i'd erase some parts so that it's like, cut off into a strip? and i randomly decided to flip it over and draw a girl. I had no clue what to put in the speech bubble, so i just scribbled out my signature :p it may seem kinda self-centred, but hey, i was out of ideas!

Anyway... back to oblique asymptotes and compound angles and Logarithmic identities..........

Wow, such a long post. Am i really that long-winded?

So, umm.

2008-01-24T20:49:00.000-06:00

after (another) eventful all-nighter, i finally "finished" my themed painting series for school. i quote-unquote-ed the word "finished" because i am honestly not that satisfied. . .
1. the colours are wayy too bland. (notice how it just gets worse with each painting? haha...)
2. the proportions are messed up.
3. Composition is a bit iffy.
4. All three of them were extremely rushed. Hence, the unfinished look.
(they say it's my style... i'm afraid it isn't.)

i'm going to have to say that i am being perfectionist... but, seeing as these are probably the last paintings i'll ever do at Unionville High School (not to mention, the last one is worth a whopping 30% of my final mark)... i'm feeling some extreme scrutiny towards them.

on a side note, i've probably become a coffee addict.
and Tim Horton's is officially the best place to study. (y)

And here it goes./

2008-01-19T20:15:00.000-06:00

With some inspiration from an artsy friend of mine, i've decided to keep records of my progress for portfolio, mostly in photos.... gahh, i'm feeling really nervous and stressed about portfolio because right now it has nothing to do with architecure... heck my marks aren't even high enough.... swthalthlufcyralghulcuawgtlg (heheheh.... Jazz says that i type funny. because normally people would go asdasjkdhaklfjasfhkajdhaksjdhalsjfh but i go sjghcuitrhalweiuctawlghcvuatuidflfjcvuir ... but that's just how i roll. :) anyway, the latest painting i've been working on for art at school is the final part of a three-part series. I've been trying to convey a sense of anticipation, simplicity, and certain reflections of life in contrast to it. For this one, i have a teen guy having the time of his life throwing paper airplanes in the middle of a city. So, it's like maintaining innocence and joy in the simple things of life; like children. Even in the midst of business, stress, chaos of the city. Fly.

Auuuhhhgg.

2007-12-30T19:08:00.000-06:00

Why is life so complicated.
Oh, sheet. When was the last time I ever blogged? Or wrote in my diary?
There's a lot of catching up to do.
But, Charlie & the Chocolate Factory is on TV. haha.
Later.

Inspiration.

2006-12-23T14:36:00.000-06:00

Pauline Croze - T'es Beau...

T’es beau,
T’es beau parce que t’es courageux,
De regarder dans le fond des yeux,
Celui qui te défie d’être heureux.

T’es beau,
T’es beau comme un cri silencieux,
Vaillant comme un métal précieux,
Qui se bat pour guérir de ses bleus.

C’est comme une rengaine,
Quelques notes en peine,
Qui forcent mon cœur,
Qui forcent ma joie,
Quand je pense a toi,
A présent.

J’ai beau,
J’ai beau me dire qu’au fond c’est mieux,
Même si c’est encore douloureux,
Je n’ai pas de recoin silencieux.

C’est beau,
C’est beau parce que c’est orageux,
Avec ce temps je connais peu,
Les mots qui traînent au coin de mes yeux.

C’est comme une rengaine,
Quelques notes en peine,
Qui forcent mon cœur,
Qui forcent ma joie
Quand je pense à toi,

Toi qui sors de scène,
Sans armes et sans haine,
J’ai peur d’oublier,
J’ai peur d’accepter,
J’ai peur des vivants,
A présent.

T’es beau…

rendering the past

2006-11-27T17:55:00.000-06:00

things seem to go by so slowly. and yet, so quickly. sna's over already... and yet.. it seems so much like a dream. it feels as if nothing much has happened... and yet... looking back.. way back... so much has changed. sometimes, i believe that time is an enemy. and yet... a friend. time is the one thing that can stress someone out to the brink of destruction, time can either make you or break you. time is the one thing that promotes healing, time helps your heart to grow cold, or regain warmth. it's a 50/50 thing, but i'm always wishing that some things didn't happen. i'm always wishing that time didn't exist, that things don't grow, or change, or break down. basically, i'm always wishing that nothing happens. or happened. or stopped happening. and yet... if nothing happened, then life is meaningless. "a chasing after the wind." and that there are also some things, i'm glad happened. having the priveledge of getting to know certain people. learning a certain skill. but in order for those things to happen, i had to let something slip away. and so the cycle continues.

retreat's coming up soon. i'm excited, yet i'm dreading. i'm dreading because once it happens, i dont think i'll want it to end. and once it ends... chances are things will seem so empty. i'd suddenly be thrust right back into this cold, cyclical fondness and hate for time, and this thing called life.

one more time

2006-09-21T16:30:00.000-06:00

ahggg... my day just had to be ruined by the knowledge of something so surreal, yet such a cold reality. "Sad" is an absolute understatement. how could i have missed it? not notice? what has made me so blind that i would have never thought of something like this to have happened? Should i even BE surprised, shocked, dissappointed?
and so once again i am reminded of the growing hopelessness that stalks the hundreds of people passing me by as i watch: they're talking with their friends, laughing, smiling, sharing the joy of each other's prescense, going to class. yet.. you never know...
...you never know....
i feel like.. doing something. anything to help these people find their way. and yet i stand there helplessly. no words can come out of my mouth. my hands cannot move, my feet don't dare to take a step. i am dissappointed, in myself. yet is there anything i could have done? be there for her? speak kind words to her?

feels like she's got nothing left to lose.
but everyone's got everything left to lose.

one more time, i am reminded of the value of life, of love. the invaluable faith that at least someone unconditionally cares.

today is a beautiful day. Cold, but beautiful.
i hope she's okay...
......i hope she'll be okay....

back for another year, fun.

2006-09-09T12:37:00.000-06:00

construction tech's pretty fun,Back from hk... oh boy oh boy, have i got a lot of catching up to do.. : schoolwork's starting to pile up, especially art & eng. ...must not screw up in art.. must not get the boot. x
hk's been pretty fun, got a new and better camera! woohoo!

in construction tech:
kit: so mel (melanie), gonna try your CRACK again?
mel: shut up -__-"

playing with wood. though there's only 3 girls in the class, inclusive. yay for dangerous machinery, and breathing sawdust.

update

2006-05-31T17:30:00.000-06:00

hhahaha i decided that i would upload all my bleach fanwork on bleachportal.net just to save my time uploading it here. =D check it out if you like

anyway, i have some new photography! yay! from last week! one of my favourites is from last week, while i was dutifully doing my music theory homework last-minute on a saturday morning. i noticed these totally awesome shadows from these super-real-looking-yet-fake flowers in front of me with the morning light. here's one of them. contact me if you want to see some of my other ones! hehehe! oh, how i love photography.

and oh how i need a better camera.

Clickee.

2006-05-13T07:22:00.000-06:00

The Face Of Love E-CARD!! click now~

anyways hehe i've started working on my anime again thanks to my good friend karen who got me somewhat hooked on bleach. for now anyway ahahah. anyways this is one of my meagre attepmts to draw Hitsugaya and Hinamori. cute "bro/sis" couple. Karenaide, ichirin no hana.

2006-04-20T18:03:00.000-06:00

i've decided to give up. forget this. forget you. forget everything that's happened... should i? would i? i've every reason to. so i suppose i will, no?

unless God thinks differently..

still working on Marika's picture... hahah.. i'm getting kinda stuck on drawing the dude playing his electric from a side view. so i made my sis let me take a picture of her side view while playing her electric. excuse me now while i keep working on it.. it's been what, 3 months now since Marika asked for the drawing? yeesh; me and my procrastination. and homework is finally starting to pile up. oh the joy

AWESOME hehe.

2006-04-05T17:27:00.000-06:00

clickee! this site is so cool!

http://www.doctorathome.com/love/love.php?e=_4rrb95s57@fvy5whbj-y

Hello. I'm in Delaware.

2006-03-20T18:17:00.000-06:00

"So there goes my life,
Passing by with every exit sign.
It's been so long,
Sometimes I wonder how I will stay strong.
No sleep tonight,
I'll keep on driving these dark highway lines.
And as the moon fades,
One more night gone, only twenty more days.
But I will see you again,
I will see you again,
a long time from now.
And there goes my life,
Passing by with every departing flight.
And its been so hard,
So much time so far apart.
And she walks the night.
How many hearts will die tonight?
And will things have changed?
I guess I'll find out in seventeen days.
But I will see you again,
I will see you again,
a long time from now.
My body aches,
And it hurts to sing.
No one is moving.
And I wish that I wasn't here tonight,
But this is my life.
And I will see you again,
I will see you again,
a long time from now
And I will see you again
I will see you again a long time from now."

--> City and Colour (Dallas Green), Hello, i'm in Delaware

ugh.

i don't think i'll ever get over him. actually, that is, i hope i never do. i just don't want to let go now. it's wierd...i guess i've decided to just...wait for him. though i know i'll probably be waiting in vain, who knows what God has in store for me? i mean... if He does have someone better for me, then that'll be fine, i'll move on since it'll be in His plan, right. but i guess all i could do right now is to hope and trust in Him who died for my own shame.
ahhhh it drives my mind to insanity e v ervy s i ngle d a y y y y y
i wish i could spend sunny days on Unionville main st. just enjoying the peace and beauty. and the fact that he lives so close to that wonderful place. that's probably the only chance i would have after this year to be somewhat closer... yet at the same time he'd be gone already. all i have left is memories. as usual.

March break was alright i guess. YAY CHORES!! xD fun fun. i actually enjoyed mopping/sweeping the floor, because i was blasting my dad's Karen Carpenter, BeeGees, and Simon&Garfunkel music, dancing around with my mop or broom. try it sometime, it's actually really fun. oh, how i love good 'ol retro music. planning to get my dad a Beatles or Elvis Presley cd for his bday soon, if i can find it. then i can blast that, too! yay retro!

back to school. things are pretty stressful, no idea why b/c this semester isn't much compared to last one. got a migraine every day. fun. then again, it probably has something to do with thinking about him for way too long a time. and i'm starting to get a little sick too. boo fire drills without jackets.

went to YeeHong senior home once more today. it was alright, was dragged into flouting for the singsperation, though. ahhh whatever. at least i didnt mess up too much.

oh yeah! made eclairs and puffs with orange custard and banana kiwi frozen yogurt for my mom's bday the other day with my sis. some pretty tough work, and i ended up not having any time for hwk, but in the end it was well worth it. yay baking! cherry was right: something along the lines of, "when in stress, bake." though it caused a bit of stress still, it was also fun.

i'mma goin to HK and DownUnder this summer!!! w00t!! excited!!! never been down in the Aussies before. gonna be cool! but that also means lotsa music theory cramming in July. ouch. i'll live. hopefully.
so many things to do, so little time.

...ah!, the Olsen twins. never will forget them. hahah

my sis figured out how to do distortion on her electric guitar now. heh. my mom: "AHHH!! OH NO!! IT"S SO LOUD!!" hehh. sounds pretty cool, though. never knew her chunky lil' amp could do so much. honestly, amps weigh a ton. and the the box is almost hollow, sheesh. hahah.

so yeah. i'll wait for him. as much as it hurts,
i know i'll see him again, a long time from now.

wonder how many hearts will die tonight. hopefully not mine. or his. or anyone that i care for. you know who you are. :]

P.S. from now on i've decided to use my own photography for my pictures! yay!

P.P.S. Dizmas are in the One Truth Clothing Tour!! with many other cool bands ttoo! make sure you check it out

My Will

2006-02-28T15:40:00.000-06:00

"Sotto mezameru
Hakanai omoi zutto
Donna toki demo negau yo
Anata ni todoku you ni to...
"Ato sukoshi" to iu kyori ga fumidase nakute
Istumo me no mae wa tozasarete ita no
Aitai aenai hibi o kasaneru tabi ni
Tsuyoi tokimeki wa setsunasa ni naru yo
Moshimo "eien" to iu mono ga aru nara,
Tomawari shite demo shinjite mitai
"Bukiyou dakara kizutsuku koto mo aru" to
Wakattemo tomaranai
Mou dare ni mo makenai
Anata no koto o omou Sore dake de namida ga Ima afureteshita kuru yo
Hakanai omoi zutto Donna toki demo negau yo Anata ni todoku you ni to...
Tsuyogaru koto dake shirisugite ita watashi
Dakedo ano toki kara mayoi wa kieta yo
Misetai to omou mono ga kitto atte
Kikasetai kotoba mo takusan aru
Egao nakigao mo zenbu mite hoshikute
Matteiru watashi wa yamete
Chansu o tsukamu yo
Anata no koto o omou Sore dake de kokoro ga Tsuyoku nareru ki ga suru yo
Hakanai omoi zutto Donna toki demo negau yo
Anata ni todoku you ni to...
Anata no koto o omou Sore dake de namida ga Ima afureteshita kuru yo
Hakanai omoi zutto Tookute koe ga todokanai Dakedo itsuka wa Kanarazu todoku you ni

Shinjite...

TRANSLATION :]

I gently awaken
Fleeting memories I always hope will Reach you... Unable to go the distance that's "so close," What's before me was always closed, Each time there's days I want to see you, but can't, My strong heartbeat turns to grief.
If there's such a thing as "eternity," Even if it's hard to get there, I want to believe, Though I know, "Because I'm awkward, I get hurt," I can't stop, I won't give in to anyone.
I think of you now, And that alone made The tears start to flow.
Fleeting memories I always hope will Reach you...
I only knew about putting on a brave front But since then, my doubts vanished.
There are things I surely want to show you, And so many words I want you to hear, I wanted to see every smile, and tear-stained face, I'll stop my waiting, I'll grab the chance.
I think of you, And I feel like that alone, Makes my heart stronger.
Fleeting memories I always hope will Reach you... I think of you now, And that alone made The tears start to flow.
Fleeting memories,
A distant voice that can't reach you,
Although someday,
It surely will.

Believe...

-->Dream, My Will

though i had this song since like.. gr.8, i only found the translation today xDD it's so sad! and it really speaks out my feelings too. well, some of it. I think of you now, and that alone made the tears start to flow. Wakattemo tomaranai Mou dare ni mo makenai.

gee, i still can't get over it. AAaahhhhh, crackerjacks.

Sick Cycle Carousel

2006-02-15T18:24:00.000-06:00

If shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
If it had a home would it be my eyes
Would you believe me if I said I am tired of this
Well here we go one more time
I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to change this mind
You better believe that I tried to beat this
So when will this end
It goes on and on
And over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop
Till I step down from this for good
I never thought I’d end up here
I never thought I’d be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now one more time
Cause I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to change this mind
You better believe that I tried to beat this,
So when will this end
It goes on and on
And over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop
Till I step down from this
Sick cycle carousel, this is a sick cycle, yeah
Sick cycle carousel
This is a sick cycle yeah
So when will this end
It goes on and on
And over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop
Till I step down from this for good
When will this end
It goes on and on
And over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop
Till I step down from this for good

-->Lifehouse, Sick Cycle Carousel

Letting go is an agonizingly painful process indeed.

we see each other every day now. i should be really glad. and i am. but we havent said "hi" to each other once. not once. every time we pass each other by... it's as if we don't even know of the other's existence. i want to cry. i want to die. i want to just give you a huge hug and say i'm sorry and i want us to be friends again. like we used to be. i want us to have never have met. yet i want us to know each other for the rest of our lives. i want to kick at the library shelf so that it falls on top of you, where you sit there and read your book. yet i don't want you to die. i feel like hating her, but i don't. i feel like hating you, but i don't. i feel like tearing the two of you apart to the ends of the earth. yet i wouldnt be able to bear doing it. i feel like there's gotta be something i could do to make you notice me just one more time. but there's nothing i could do.

nothing.

i want, i feel, i want. is that what love is? i am so selfish. i'm disgusting. i hate it. i wanna say "i hate you, Dorothy. f*** you. stay out of other people's business." i wanna hear it coming from him. i want him to hate me and say it out loud to my face so at least it'd be easier to let him go. but then i'd just hate myself some more. the more memories. the more regrets. God said that the tongue is a dastardly weapon of fire; though it is small, it causes HUGE trouble, just as a forest fire is started from a mere spark. God, as always, is soooooo right. so thank You.

God is my only hope in this whole bonanza. every day, i try so hard to make him notice that i actually exist more than just an existence. heck, i even try the style of the one he likes. but does it work? i mean...why am i trying so hard to impress him when he doesn't even think of me as a friken friend anymore?
or does he?

it's a whole cycle, isnt it. i start to forget him, and then i see him and it starts all over again.

when will it end??? yet...at the same time... i don't want it to.

in like a lion

2006-02-09T16:52:00.000-06:00

It's always nice to look out the window
And see those very first few flakes of snow
And later on we can go outside
And create the impression of an angel that just fell from the sky
When February rolls around I'll roll my eyes
Turn a cold shoulder to these even colder skies
And by the fire my heart it heaves a sigh
For the green grass waiting on the other side
It's always winter but never Christmas It seems this curse just can't be lifted Yet in the midst of all this ice and snow Our hearts stay warm cause they are filled with hope
It'd be so nice to look out the window
And see the leaves on the trees begin to show
The birds would congregate and sing
A song of birth a song of newer things
The wind would calm and the sun would shine
I'd go outside and I'd squint my eyes
But for now I will simply just withdraw
Sit here and wait for this world to thaw
And everything it changed overnight
This dying world you brought it back to life
And deep inside I felt things
Shifting everything was melting
Away, oh away...
And you gave us the most beautiful of days
Cause when it's always winter but never Christmas
Sometimes it feels like you're not with us
But deep inside our hearts we know
That you are here and we will not lose hope

--> relient k, in like a lion

agape retreat was... an experience. that's all i could say. to be honest, we didn't do all that much as a program. worship, eat, sleep, take pics, bible studies, more worship, some games, sharing, exploring. but in a way it was still life-changing. the fact that we glorified God was life-changing. the lodge place was really beautiful, with a lake and everything. the lake was frozen over, so some of us went walking around on the ice, though we werent supposed to xDD but it was just amazing. the pure silence was so amazing. silence. knowing that there's water underneath your feet, God knows how deep, the trees rustling in the wind. leaves frozen into the ice. delicate frost along the ice surface. crunching half-frozen snow. the first warm sunrays of the day peeking at you from behind the clouds.

not your everyday morning stroll in the park.

there was a lamppost that stood on a little patch of frozen snowed over grass facing the lake. many noticed it, and it reminded us a lot of the lamppost from the Narnia movie. i looked at it, serenely staring out to the lake by itself, lonely, waiting, peaceful, quietly shining its light with all it had. standing firm in the snow when it was windy like mad. i looked at it, and a wave of encouragement came to me. christian eagerly stands on firm ground, the Rock, with the hope of looking toward a neverending paradise future with God. the Light of the World, shining their Light with all they have toward the dark world. God speaks in silence. and that lake to which the lamppost looked over was pretty darn quiet.

ly went there. he took pictures, watched me, sk, sl, and em build our "little" rushed snow Aslan. looking out into the lake. i thought he was waiting. for what, i wasnt sure. i thought he was waiting for jf. it seemed so. but i was just stupid. stupid. i was being a total jerk. he was simply waiting for the sunrise.

bitterness sure gets the better of me sometimes. i hate it. it ruins everything. and yet, i'm bitter about being bitter. how ironic.

the night before... our last night there...many of the gr10s spent time together. till like... past 1 in the morning... it was really... good. i'll never forget it... we just sat there... and we talked... sang some worship songs... talked some more, sang some more... and just sat there. we prayed. we sang. we begged ray to let us stay a little longer. we sang and talked some more. it was really awesome... because... almost all of these people i've known for practically all my life... and yet we barely knew each other. that night, you could really tell that there was a sense of community and fellowship. God's presence was there, of course. as always; but then it really seemed then like a door was opened up. the worship team's testimony will keep us strong. i know it. as we finally thanked ray and walked out the door of the chapel, tufts of snow were quietly and gracefully falling from the black sky. it was beautiful.

i felt like telling the world. i felt like pouring myself out to my brothers and sisters... but i couldnt bring myself to, ironically. i just couldnt put it into words. and i simply can't do that right now. how i feel just can't be desciribed. by anything. except to praise God. praise God. i can't thank God enough for all He's done for everybody. and He still works as i type.

i'm slowly learning to let go. it's a painfully long process, but i know that God will pull me through. if he ever needs to talk to me, i'll be there for him... but i just can't go running after him anymore. it's so useless, and only breaks more than it builds. i wish him the best in life.

" Yet in the midst of all this ice and snow, Our hearts stay warm cause they are filled with hope..."

Here I Am.

2006-01-27T14:58:00.000-06:00

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up
And I give up
I just want to tell you so you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I'd let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up
I feel like giving up
I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I'd let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one

I'd let go, there's just no one, no one like you

--> Yellowcard, Only One

my feelings today have been posted.

math exam monday. ONE MOREEEE

Once More a Dummy

2006-01-24T15:55:00.000-06:00

Another blog for another dummy like me with no life. To be honest, though, i actually do have a life. i just decide to waste my time doing things like this instead. Time is so precious to me, yet i drop bits and bits of it every day along the sidewalk like a kid dropping pennies, hoping that someone would eventually find it and be happy for the rest of the day. But that's the problem. No one will pick them up; no one could. My past is lost. Time is like trying to hold water in your hands. No matter how hard you try to keep the water in your palms, it always ends up dripping through your fingers. and once they've dropped, you can't pick them back up again; they've already soaked into the ground. God, i need guidance. My heart is an utter pigsty mess. heck, i'm supposed to be studying right now... yet i'm typing up yet another useless blog. i wish i could turn back time. i wish i was never born. Yet, what if i was never born? who would i be? Whose mind would this voice inside my head occupy instead? Why am I here, why this life? why me? God has a reason for all of this. And maybe i'll never even find out why. but i know that He loves me... it's my only comfort amongst all of this.

Today, i got it over with. i told him. i ran after him and blurted it out. Heck knows what he thinks of me now, or what he even thought of me before today. It feels as if a trillion-tonne brick has been lifted off my back; lifted so suddenly, i was shaking for the rest of the day. Yet... with this weight gone, it also feels as though something was suddenly missing in my heart. it's so... half-empty.